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- 💀 Don’t Let Your Rations Kill You (Or Your Taste Buds)
💀 Don’t Let Your Rations Kill You (Or Your Taste Buds)
Ever gnawed a ration brick? Hope you still got teeth...
Conrad “Bear” Becker
June 17, 2025
💀 Don’t Let Your Rations Kill You (Or Your Taste Buds)
PLUS: Ever gnawed a ration brick? Hope you still got teeth...
🥩 Chow Down Or Bow Out 🍖 DIY Vs. Store-Bought Food Fight!
🚦 That Time I Almost Pooped Myself Into Another Dimension
Snowed in, dead radio, zero daylight for 3 days. I reached deep into the stash and pulled out a dusty, vacuum-sealed pouch labeled "Beefish Protein Surprise." First bite hit like regret wrapped in rubber. An hour later, I was grippin’ the outhouse seat like a rodeo bull and prayin’ for mercy.
Listen, if your rations ain’t battle-tested before the world burns, you’re playin’ Russian roulette with your colon.
🍴 What Are Emergency Rations, Really?
We ain’t talkin’ your vegan cousin’s hiking snacks. Emergency rations = food that keeps your ass upright when the world’s on fire. Calories. Shelf life. Portability. And zero room for tofu.
💰 Store-Bought Slop: Convenient Crap Or Crisis Candy?
👍 The Good:
🧊 Shelf life that outlasts your ex’s grudges (25+ years)
🛠️ Rip, eat, survive—zero brainpower required
🧳 Packs small, hits heavy (calorie-wise)
👎 The Bad:
🧂 Sodium bomb—goodbye kidneys
💸 $12 for pasta you could make for 30 cents
😬 Texture of cat puke, taste of regret
🧠 Bear’s Take:
Store-bought’s like that buddy who shows up late but brings a shotgun—unreliable, but sometimes necessary. Keep a few in the stash, but don't count on 'em.
🧑🌾 DIY Rations: The Meal Prep That’ll Save Your Damn Life
👍 The Good:
👨🍳 You know every single ingredient (and none of ‘em bark)
🪙 Cheap as dirt if you do it right
😋 Taste? Like grandma made it... if grandma was a bushcraft badass
👎 The Bad:
⏳ Takes time, elbow grease, and some know-how
🐛 Screw it up and your chili might walk off by itself
❄️ Needs a cool, dark place (no, not your soul)
🧠 Bear’s Take:
This is the real MVP. Your rations should scream, “I’m ready,” not “please don’t kill me.” DIY is how you earn your prepper stripes.
🏹 Bear’s Battle Plan: Hybrid Stockpile That Slaps
🎯 Go 70/30 – 70% DIY you can trust, 30% commercial for “oh crap” scenarios
🧂 Season it up – Morale matters. No one survives the apocalypse eating plain rice
📅 Rotate or regret it – Eat what you store, store what you eat
🔥 Test drive it – “Crisis Dinner” once a month: light the lantern, kill the power, eat from the stash
💣 Pro Tip: The Vacuum Seal + Oxygen Absorber Tango
Don’t let air rob your stash blind. Hit every DIY pack with an O2 absorber, vacuum seal it, label it with a Sharpie, and store it like it's grandma’s bourbon—dark, dry, and outta sight.
🪵 Cabin Wisdom From Your Boy Bear
You got two kinds of rations: the kind that feed your future and the kind that remind you you’re dying slowly. Choose wisely, partner.
Stay Prepped, Stay Ferocious,
Conrad “Bear” Becker
P.S. Ever eaten a ration so bad it made you question life? Tell me. No shame—just stories and maybe a little revenge vomit. 🤮
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